Top 5 Things You Can’t Do After Turning 40

As someone who’s just celebrated their 2nd year past the big 4–0, I consider myself somewhat of a subject matter expert at this point on being 40. I’m past my rookie season and ready to offer the youngsters some advice about navigating this space in their lives. I can tell you that things definitely start to change, some for the better and some….not so much. So, without further ado, here are my top things you cannot do after turning 40.

Number 5: Pulling an all-nighter after 40 is like trying to find a good parking spot in New York City. It’s just not happening, folks. our body will rebel against you faster than Kanye West on Twitter.

Number 4: Eating whatever you want. Listen, I love a good burger and fries as much as the next guy, but after 40, you gotta start watching what you eat. Your body will start to show the consequences faster than a bad haircut. That metabolism is just not the same anymore.

Number 3: Wearing clothes from your 20s. Look, I know you still think you’re hip and cool, but wearing clothes from your college days is like trying to dance the Macarena in 2023 — it’s just not a good look. Let it go! Also, your kid’s clothes don’t look nearly as cool on you. Find your own age-appropriate style and rock it until it’s out of style.

Number 2: Staying up late binge-watching TV shows. Let me tell you something, folks. After 40, your bedtime is like a sacred ritual. Trying to stay up late to finish that new Netflix series is like trying to teach your grandma how to use Instagram — you may as well forget it. Also, your long work day will punish you for making that mistake. It’ll be your first non-alcoholic hangover. You won’t ever want to do that again!

And finally, number 1: Ignoring your health. Look, I know you think you’re invincible, but after 40, your body needs some serious TLC. Skipping your doctor’s appointments or ignoring that weird pain in your back is like driving with the check engine light on. Eventually the results of ignoring the problem could be catastrophic. Only difference is, ignoring the car could land you at the mechanic. Ignoring your health could land you at the morgue. So, take care of yourself, people.

So, there you have it — my top 5 things you cannot do after turning 40. Look, getting older might have its challenges, but it also has its rewards. Like, uh, well, I’ll get back to you on that one. Thanks for reading, and remember, laughter is the best medicine! It’s definitely going to take a lot of medicine…cough…cough…laughter to make it thought this next phase of yourself. Laugh as hard at yourself as you would at anyone else and you will be fine!